Creating A Dialogue…

So I spent last night with a few friends – members of what I like to think of as Egypt's intelligentsia. A discussion started regarding Amr Khaled's conference in Denmark held for the purpose of "creating a dialogue". The fervent discussion that ensued ended with an abrupt decision to close the topic because it was getting too loud. For me, it was reminiscent of scenes from Al-Jazeera Channel, where arguing guests would almost turn the host into a fight-breaker. Or perhaps a scene that all of us see on the streets everyday – a minor car accident can turn into a heated altercation because, magically, both sides have the right of way!

While civil laws exist to determine who's at fault when something like a car accident takes place, issues that fall under the realm of "public opinion" are a totally different issue. However, the mechanism of resolving differences is not what I am trying to discuss here. What I find very discerning is that the mechanism we do choose most of the time is to argue until our discussions become quite heated. Just ask yourself how many times you had a rational discussion with someone on an issue on which you differed completely? How many people do you know with whom you can have such a discussion? Why do we, as a people, choose to argue instead of rationalize?

There are many possible answers to that question, and some would attribute it to "the way we are" as a people – hot-blooded and emotional. Accepting such an explanation is simply bowing down to a societal deficiency that must be addressed suitably. Personally, I believe that it's part of the way we're brought up – part of the influence of our influencing micro-society. We see people around us arguing everywhere so we learn to argue as well and it becomes part of us as we grow into our adulthood. As we grow up, no one takes the time to explain the purpose or the concept of a discussion. Most people go into discussions without the least intent of actually listening in a manner that would allow what is being said to change their opinions. We enter discussions for the purpose of expressing our own opinions with as much evidence (right or wrong!) as possible, sometimes with the unconscious motive to enforce our own beliefs and opinions. When ego is mixed with self-righteousness, the ear and connecting channels to the mind become a very obsolete feature in our physiology. If both sides of the discussion have no real intention to listen, it only makes sense that discussions should turn into arguments and even fights, at which point any chance of resolving differences is lost.

This eventually translates into an inability to communicate, something that hurts our society on all levels. The real reason why we would stay behind as a society is that people who care to make a difference cannot communicate to agree on a mechanism for change. People in the west have a twisted image of us as a people partially due to our inability to communicate to them who we really are – the resultant being incidents such as the Danish Cartoons. As our inability to communicate rationally becomes more deeply embedded in our psyche, our chances to regain our society diminish.

What to do? Start with yourself (the same goes to me – guilty as all!) Learn to listen. When you do, others will eventually be forced to do the same!

Clipart Courtesy of Purdue University.